Demon the Cat. Far and away, Demon has been the quickest to adapt to boat life. She’s happy in her cat-bed, has found joy in exploring all nooks and crannies, is enjoying the view and the night-time catting on deck, growling at passing boats and seals, and settling in quite nicely. Granted, she has spent more than half her life aboard boats, but after so many years away from the water, she found her groove awfully quickly. Which is much more than I can say for the rest of us.
The past almost-two-weeks aboard has not been easy and has had a lot of ups and downs. I have, admittedly, focused more on the downs than the ups, because they are all-consuming, but out of ashes lush forests and new flowers can emerge. Here is a fair attempt to lay out a balanced synopsis of weeks 1 and 2 (from my perspective) and some words of hope for what lays ahead.
Most Challenging Thing: A three year old with poor listening skills, no sense of self preservation, a class clown personality, and a tendency to push everyone’s buttons. Maybe I should rephrase that: A three year old. Period. Andy has been hard. And spending so much time disciplining, teaching, reprimanding, reminding, scolding, reminding again, disciplining again WEARS ON THE SOUL. But this is not unique to a boat; this is parenting a three year old. One big difference now is that we’re doing it 24-7, whereas before we only had morning/night/weekend duty. The other difference is that on a boat it might be a matter of life and death. When he stands on his tiptoes and leans over the side of the boat because he wants to see the bow wave more closely or grabs the pilot house steering wheel while you’re undocking, not listening to calls to STOP is not an option. So, we’re doing a lot of teaching. That word seems too gentle to convey the tone of our voices and the exasperation we feel. And yet, when I asked Andy what was his favorite thing so far about living on a boat, he said “all the love.” And so I melted. And so I will do my best to be strict and unswaying, but make sure that “all the love” is still there. Because sometimes it has felt like it isn’t.
Most Rewarding Thing: Seeing Dylan come into his own on the boat has been incredibly rewarding. Despite a few difficulties, he seems to be at home here and is absorbing everything, including nautical terminology, sea animal behavior, and even moving around on deck. And seeing the kids’ imaginative play is wonderful; they pretend that lines have been cut to the radar, they rig up nets to catch bad guys in, they practice tying knots and building boats boats with wings. It’s also rewarding to seeing them exploring ashore. No beach goes left unexplored, and every beach-fort is supplemented with the kids’ drift-wood tillers and solar panels. For my own part, I am enjoying reading. I haven’t done as much as I wanted, but I am rediscovering print books and enjoying the relationship with the printed page again.
And: ORCAS! We got to see a pod of orcas, which, yes, even if you are from the Pacific Northwest, is still a very special treat. This is the first time that we have been out on Korvessa and seen them, and we couldn’t have been more happy to catch a glimpse of the beautiful creatures. And, in truth, I also got a lot of joy out of seeing a flock of little goslings and a family of huge river otters, so the reward and joy is not reserved solely for the large animals.
Most Surprising Thing: Despite all the frustrations, I feel good being back on a boat. I like the warm, cozy spaces. I don’t mind the limited space in the galley. I like having varied views and new neighbors with every move. On the negative side of surprising, I simply thought I would have more time. I thought I would have more time to write. I thought I would have more time to read. I thought I would have more time to study Spanish or organize the boat or make lee-cloths or study cook books or exercise. None of that has happened. I seem to spend all my time cooking, cleaning, and disciplining in between shore trips. Yes, that has to change, and that will take my own self-discipline.
Most Frustrating Thing(s): The first few days of overloaded, unorganized boat mode was very frustrating. We didn’t know where anything was, struggled to figure out where everything would go, and were tripping over bags, shoes, and clothes every fifth step. Now that we have organized the galley, the bedrooms, and the sauna (our storage room), and taken a large load of unneeded stuff back to Anacortes, we are in a much better (and much less frustrating) state.
Second, boat heads (toilets) are notoriously difficult, and we are all struggling with the tight spaces and residual smell that we just can’t seem to kill. It took the kids some time to get used to boat head, but I think we’re there. Similarly, we are having growing pains with our kitty box and its perpetual smell. It currently lives under the settee in our dinette, which is a good place for it, but we have discovered that the pads that come with the Breeze litter system do not last a week as advertised; we are luck to get three days out of them. Maybe our cat is just really well hydrated. And so, we will continue to experiment. Instead of using cat pads which produce lots of trash, we’re hoping to use a corn-based litter as a base that is excellent at soaking up liquid and will control odor better. Stay tuned.
Third, our ice box is deep, and though we now have it much better organized, it is still a task to retrieve something from the bottom, which involves not only sticking your head halfway into the icebox, but getting icebox cooties all over whatever piece of clothing you’re wearing. Something to get used to. There are many things to get used to.
Ahh… speaking of which, there have been a lot of head bumps, and back bumps, and knee bumps, and (frighteningly) two eye bumps, because moving around on a boat is simply harder than in a house. Plus, it moves. None of us has been immune to those bumps, though Andy has suffered the most, and I only hope he will acclimate soon.
And then there’s the regular everyday parts of cruising: We’ve enjoyed some beautiful anchorages (Cypress Head, James Island, Deer Harbor, Echo Bay on Sucia Island, Patos Island, Friday Harbor, and on to Reid Harbor on Stuart Island tonight. We’ve met so many people along the way and love talking with them about their own passions and plans. We’ve started a little boat school (officially just an hour a day at this point for the sake of having a little structure), but of course the kids are soaking up much more than that. We’re still trying to figure out our timing with how often we’ll need to dump trash and recycling or head into a marina. It’s a little more often at this point because we have not caught our stride yet. We’ve had otters play on board at night (not welcome), crows get into our trash on deck (also not welcome), and seals poke their curious eyes up to follow us (very welcome).
It’s been a hard couple of weeks. I can’t pretend there haven’t been moments where I haven’t questioned what we’re doing. What I’m doing. There have been tears. But in the depths of frustration, anger, and, frankly, fear, I have learned a few things and reflected on a few things. I’ve learned that I need to do a better job to take some time out for myself – especially for exercise, but also for my own quiet time. I’ve learned that the kids need at least a little screen time to help calm their over-stimulated brains and emotions. In conversations with friends, I’ve been reminded and have reflected on the fact that change isn’t easy for anyone, 3-year-olds included. I’ve learned that habits don’t change all at once, even if you want them to. It takes time, it takes discipline, it takes patience in yourself and others. So, we move on to the next few weeks and months with some hope, a few deep breaths, lessons learned, new perspective, and lots of support and understanding. Let’s do this.
Love reading about your first weeks. Are you using any type of tracking device that folks can follow? Keep smiling and be careful.
Hi Cheryl – Thanks for following! Yes, you can look us up on marinetraffic.com and search for Korvessa.
Well said, dear. We know it’s hard, but 11 days is…well, only 11 days and you have perhaps 1,450 more days to perfect your way of life. And the boys will grow up and Andy will turn four and then five. Look how much Dylan has changed. There is always that to look forward to. Meanwhile, the experience will be unforgettable. Good to see you when you came back for Dylan’s “graduation.” Also priceless. See you in two months.
Indeed. The boys and we ourselves will grow into it. See you soon.
Peter Drucker always said that change happens. The challenge for each of us is to manage that change. Seems like you are doing that! Thanks again for sharing your reflections. Pixie and I are meeting your mom next Wednesday in Sacramento – and we are driving up to Lake Tahoe for a 3-day visit. Really looking forward to it!
Hi Diane – Yes, the trick is to manage the change and not let the change manage or overcome us. Enjoy the visit with my mom!
That was a wonderful post! Wonderfully written as well. Nicely done, Sandi!! So excited for you guys. I really look forward to every post. Hang in there! I’m sure you recall:
“a smooth sea never made a skilled sailor.”
Warmly, Marty
Thanks, Marty!
Thrilled to be tucked away in an invisible nook on the boat, traveling with you vicariously! Keep the wet side down! Mari and Rich
That is a lovely post! Keep them coming!
Those challenges sound about right for what you are attempting. Hang in there, you are great parents for giving your family this wonderful experience.
Thanks, Andy!
Sandi,
Bonnie sent me a link to this blog yesterday, and I’ve devoured it from finish to start, with great pleasure — from your impeccable punctuation (old English teachers like such things, alas) to the depth of your metaphors to your resonant reflections on Stuff to your lively portraits of Dylan and Andy to the glimpses you provide into the technology of sailing.
Don’t give up on this project! When the only reader left 20 years from now is you, it will be a priceless gift to yourself.
But I can also (and easily) imagine another fate: publication (of the non-blog sort). It is very well written, very engaging thus far. The “women sailors” theme seems especially promising, particularly when the sailor is also mother and teacher.
I look forward to the chapters to come.
Mike
Thanks, Uncle Mike! I’ll keep the chapters coming. Writing doesn’t come as smoothly or as often as I’d like, but considering that a few months ago it was at zero, it feels good to be putting words to page again, partly for the artistic outlet but even more so for the therapeutic one.
I love this blog! Exciting and truly inspirational! It was an honor to be there at your bon voyage. I am looking forward to more of your adventures and your honest and meaningful reflections about your life on Korvessa!
Ooooofta! This is an adventure!!! Your notes will make a delicious read once you’ve returned and a few years have passed. You will surprise yourself with your strength, determination, perseverance, and resilience! Chris Columbus ain’t got nutin’ on you! (I am also put in mind of the families who loaded up Conestoga wagons and headed west. You’re all made of gritty, undauntable fiber.)
I do believe I will be sharing (not electronically, just face to face conversation) your story with colleagues and friends here in the high desert of New Mexico. If you hear astonishment in the air, it will be us, slack-jawed and amazed.
I was never (am still not and don’t aspire to be) good with three-year-olds. I feel your pain and frustration. Some folks love the sort of frenzied, uneven cadence of three-year-olds. Just the thought of it makes me wanna take a nap. Under covers. In a dark room. Alone. The whole world is dangerous for a three-year-old whether on land or sea. They are oblivious. It is nightmare fodder for parents, however. Know that those of us who have been there have nothing but admiration, blessings, and awe for your present challenges.
Smells–that’s a toughie for small spaces. Venting to the open air would seem to be the only truly effective solution. You, however, are much more familiar with what your actual options are. I suspect it will take some creativity and some plain ol’ getting used to.
Your “dive” into the freezer brings genuine chuckles. It’s your new normal for meal prep. I am tickled that I have only a small top-side freezer on my fridge, there are no mysteries, and no cooties. (Did you allow room for ice cream? That would seem essential.)
YES! You absolutely MUST set some boundaries for alone time (self-care, survival, whatever you want to call it). Your husband probably needs an equal dollop of solitary space. Your children need to be bored from time to time. Quiet and bored. It seems counterintuitive to let those wildly growing intra-cranial neurons go on about their business without guidance or shepherding, but I do believe there’s been some recent research that supports allowing kids to be genuinely bored for stretches of time.
You are a lovely writer, Sandi. This exercise in expression, musings, reflections, and narrative is mesmerizing. Thank you for taking the time to let us come along on this vicarious adventure with you.
As for books, if you have a list already prepared, terrific. If you’d like suggestions, I can usually generate a few titles to fill the bill. I’d be delighted to do so.
Thanks for the thoughtful reply, Vicki. Yes, I am always up for more book titles. I have a bunch on board now, but I am slowly making my way through them, and I always love suggestions!
Hi. I’m Martin, Amy Arisco’s dad and former blue water sailor. It’s very enjoyable reading your well-written and well-thought out posts. I wish you the best of luck on your grand adventure and wish you fair winds.
Thanks, Martin! I appreciate it. I didn’t realize you were a blue water sailor yourself. And I see that Amy has inherited your love of the water via kayaking – love her pictures!
I love that you took the cat. 🙂 Really enjoying your blog and living this amazing adventure vicariously through you.
For the litter box… For a couple years, we had FIVE cats in the house. They don’t go outside. My house isn’t small… but FIVE CATS. I found the Oko Cat litters to be pretty effective – though not very cost-effective with FIVE CATS. But… with one it’d be totally doable. It’s similar to wood pellets (which I’m using now), but they do a MUCH better job of odor control. My only complaint is that it does tend to track outside the box. If your cat isn’t crazy, that might not be such a problem. Mine like to launch out of the box and see who can spray litter the farthest. I’m pretty sure it will be an event in CatOlympics 2020. I was using the Oko “clumping” wood litter, but they have several varieties. I found it easiest to just use till you smell it and then dump it. But it’d last a good week plus, even with FIVE CATS. 🙂
Thanks for the suggestion for kitty litter, Jen! We will look into it. Luckily, our cat can’t launch herself too quickly out of the box since there is a narrow cat door she has to get through to get out of her cubby, so it’s keeping litter on the cabin floor at bay so far!
Hello York family! I miss seeing your smiling faces, but now I can read about your adventures. This post is beautifully written, Sandy. I just love your writing. I am looking forward to reading more. Be encouraged because I know this trip will be amazing and full of so much joy.
Thanks, Sarah!